Gone

(A followup e-mail after Zachary was born and died... 04/26/07)

Dear friends and family,

Thanks for your prayers and thoughts last night and today. Let there be no doubt that we have felt those prayers as they have made a very difficult day bearable. Right now we are going through a variety of emotions that seem to change at a moments notice -- anger, sadness, bitterness, relief, disgust, guilt, confusion, etc... Your e-mails, phone calls, and visits to us in the hospital and at home have been a blessing and an anchor during this storm. We love and appreciate each one of you and are so grateful that you have been walking this journey with us.

The most awesome thing did happen last night. In our previous e-mail to you we relayed that the doctors told us that Zachary would be stillborn -- dead at birth. In checking the prolasped cord, the doctor was unable to find a pulse, and by 5:00 P.M., they advised us he was definately already gone. Our son was born at 10:24 P.M., and as they were putting him on the warming table and preparing to wash him and verify his lack of vitals, James noticed that there was actually movement coming from his chest -- a heartbeat! The doctor came over and saw the same thing. Though though we never heard his cry or saw his little eyes open, our son Zachary had a very faint heartbeat and sustained life until he passed away at 12:12 A.M. We can't even begin to explain or describe what those two hours of time with Zachary were like, but we will be forever grateful that we had the chance to hold and talk to and love on our son while his sweet little soul remained in his tiny little body... Life is precious.

Please continue to pray for our kids, Matthew and Riley-Grace. We have explained to them what happened, but they remain confused and not sure how to comprehend most of the events that have unfolded. Riley-Grace has been home all day waiting for us to bring home a baby. She knew Zachary was going to be born, and while we told her her he was coming too early and would pass away, she still thought we would bring home a chubby brother. While they now say they understand, we wonder how much they can truly grasp at four and six. More than anything, we hope for peace for them and for us. We know that rough days are still ahead.

The memorial service for Zachary James Huggins will be at 3:00 P.M. on Sunday, April 29th at our church Valley Creek Church. The address is 5800 Long Prairie Road in Flower Mound, TX. there is a map and directions at www.valleycreek.org. Anyone who would like to join us for the memorial is welcome, but there is certainly no obligation or expectation to attend.

Additionally, we have received some lovely floral arrangements and potted plants and would like to express our gratitude for those. Amanda and I have discussed it and agreed that in lieu of any more arrangements, we invite you to make a donation to Celebrate Recovery at Valley Creek Church in Zachary's name. Flowers, though beautiful and so special to us, will eventually wither and die, but what a blessing it would be that Zachary's life could be honored by saving another life from the bondages of hurts, habits and hangups. If you would like to make a donation to Celebrate Recovery at Valley Creek Church, please contact Chrislyn Lowery at (972) 539-2002 x. 127. We know that e-giving is a possibility, and Chrislyn can explain that in more detail if necesary.

Our love to you all,

James and Amanda