Friday, October 19, 2007

Blessed and Fortunate

If a I ever received a clear reminder of how blessed and fortunate I truly am, it was today. Amy e-mailed me with an extraordinarily inspirational excerpt from another blogger whose son, without a miracle, is dying before her eyes.

In the midst of her pain, this is her perspective:

There have been many times throughout the last couple months where it has felt like God is sleeping through our storm. Much like the story of Jesus and His disciples in Mark 4:35-41, life has brought a fierce wind along our journey, causing powerful waves to almost capsize our boat, and Jesus is in the stern, but it feels like he is asleep. I have often cried out to Him, saying, "Jesus, do You not care that we are perishing?" (v.38)

However, I am realizing that it is not I who needs to awaken Him, but rather He who wants to awaken me.

This journey of pain, our fierce storm, is intended to arouse me out of my slumber of mediocre, status quo faith. When the time comes for God to rebuke the wind and the sea, whereby we find calm, it would be devastating to hear him say, "How is it that you have no faith?" (v.40)

Pain is a catalyst by which God wants to stimulate our faith…Oh, that I might submit to that which He desires to awaken in me through this storm!

God, how selfish can I be? What greater capacity is there for that in this fallen woman? I bemoan the children who died who truly had equal potential for death as life. I mourn for the son we knew wouldn't live, and yet this mother hangs on, refusing her heart to fail.

It's heart wrenching, heart destroying, to see the limited glimpses into their lives. To watch her sweet boy sing "The B-I-B-L-E" and parrot all the same little words and animal sounds that our children parroted, and then to see her beautiful baby cry in frustration as his body fails him, leaving him to fall over. Even worse, to know that now his sweet voice is gone, along with his eyesight, and general bodily functions, all within a matter of months. It literally left me weeping.

Oh, that I would not be elevated in such self-righteous observations -- that I would be cognisant of my own pain, but also of it's limitations! As I watch this faithful, and strong, and broken mother, I know that pain is something I've never been truly acquainted with, and that I honestly hope I never will be.

Thoughts about this mother...

I am in deep distress. Let us fall into the hands of the Lord,
for his mercy is great...

2 Samuel 24:14

At least I can take comfort in this:
Despite the pain, I have not denied the words of the Holy One.

Job 6:10

His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned, said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."
John 9:2-3

Therefore we do not lose heart.
Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail."

Lamentations 3:22

Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks you for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, tough you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:9-11

A Note to Christina:
These words are not meant to ever add to your pain, rather they serve as a personal encouragement for me and as a grasp at some miniscule amount of understanding of your situation, and minimally, my own. Your situation is amazing -- one of amazing pain, amazing brokenness, amazing faith, amazing dependence, amazing hope, amazing challenges, amazing heartache, amazing encouragement. I could go on, but instead I long to similarly reflect the love and neverending compassions of God with such faith and understanding.

I just want to say that I could never have the capacity to relate to the complicated emotions you have experienced or are experiencing. This is a driving situation, and it's incredible to watch you in your enormous grief being driven to a Holy and Incomprehensible God.

Please know that though tiny and irrelevant they may be, my prayers are bound together with yours for the complete and total restoration of your baby, your family, and your heart.


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