Monday, March 16, 2009


I'll be 19 weeks pregnant tomorrow, and that's my official halfway mark. Even though I'm still hardly willing to acknowledge I'm pregnant, at the MFM appointment last week, James had the audacity to talk birth plans with the doctor. The doctor said we'd deliver sometime between 36 and 38 weeks, provided there are no complications or hints at uterine rupture before then. He suggested an amnio around 36 weeks to check lung maturity followed by delivery if all looks well. I'm sure my OB, though, will want to wait until 38 weeks if there are no adverse symptoms (something about hospital standards). They'll work it out -- someone just needs to let me know where and when to show up.

Last night as I was praying, I realized I still feel like I'm holding my breath. Though in my heart I feel at peace, in my bones I still feel so unsure about this pregnancy. I've been working upstairs the last few days and I was walking up yesterday, I had this flashback to two years ago. Two years ago, I felt just as secure and sure of an ending, and everything I thought I knew was wrong. I felt tempted to stop what I was doing and to stick my head in the sand, but instead, I pressed on. I finished the task at hand, and I intend to continue doing that.

I will prepare for this baby instead of living in fear of what could be.
I will love her in spite of the pain it could cause.

Cross Posted on About the Baby


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