Sunday, April 17, 2011

On Open Adoption and Visiting the Birthparents

We were very apprehensive about moving into an open adoption arrangement. Though we knew the benefits to having access to the birthparents, and though we understand the benefit to their having access to baby, we were very concerned about what that relationship would look like for our family. We were afraid we wouldn't be able to handle the dynamics of the relationships. So far, though, our open adoption arrangement has gone better than expected.

When we initially got Elleigh, we decided to exchange cell phone numbers with the birthmom. She was very sweet and we felt like we'd like to remain in contact with her. Over the month, we've had a number of very pleasant text conversations, and I've been able to send her some pictures of Elleigh over these first few weeks. We've had more contact than we planned, but we also understand she's young and coping with a loss. In light of that, it's been a pleasure to bring her some comfort.

We also offered to meet her when we returned to the agency for our first adoption support group meeting. That meeting was this weekend. We planned to meet her at a restaurant in her home town, but at the last minute, our meeting was moved to the agency. We'd be meeting the birthfather for the first time, and our social worker felt that initial meeting should be done with a worker present to answer questions, facilitate conversation, etc.

We were nervous about meeting the birthfather, but he was very gracious and expressed thanks for our adopting Elleigh. Both he and birthmom cuddled the baby and took pictures with her. Birthfather compared Elleigh to his other children and agreed with us that she looks just like her birthmother. It was awesome to spend some time with both of them. We're hoping to see them both again when we return to the agency for our next meeting in June.


  • Elizabeth

    I love your story! What's going on in your life is a beautiful miracle. Love seeing the pictures of Elleigh with her birthparents. Bless you guys!!! (and i'm still here if you want a nap!)

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