Happy Birthday, Sweet Baby. Five years have passed since I held you in my arms. I imagine what life would be like with you here, life with another son. Would you be silly or studious? Would you enjoy your schoolwork, or would you be the class clown keeping us all on our toes? Would you be a fan of all your sisters, or would they be a bother? Would you be a bother -- an ornery little mess? What would today -- your fifth birthday -- hold for you? Would training wheels come off today, a milestone event marking a milestone birthday? How would you direct our day? So many questions never to be answered, so many longings never to be filled.

The time you were here, the time since you slipped away -- it all raced by. My sweet baby, I miss you today as I did that very first day, and my heart longs for the moment you're in my arms once again.

Easter at Disneyworld

A recent brain scan revealed cancer has moved into my mom's brain. Because Oat Cell Carcinoma is so aggressive, she'll have Gamma Knife radiation very soon in an effort to keep encroaching symptoms at bay. The tumor cluster is right in her personality centers, so we've been warned about personality changes being one of the most significant risks of the procedure. Our response: head to Disneyworld.

We cashed in airline miles for flights, then booked a last minute trip to the parks. We booked the trip so last minute (less than 48 hours before arrival) that we weren't even allowed to purchase the meal plan (although paying cash for meals worked out to be cheaper for our busy bunch). My best friend Marcie planned to keep Elleigh and Piper while we were away, so James met her in Oklahoma City while I spent the day with Mom and the radiation oncologist hashing out last minute procedure details. Then, we flew away from home, hoping to afford Mom a bit of fun and distraction from the painful reality of her prognosis. We stayed at Port Orleans Riverside, and we visited MGM Studios, Epcot, and Magic Kingdom.

Hope Beyond This Life

A tumble early Sunday morning led to a large goose egg on the head and an ER trip for my mom. The ER trip led to a short hospital stay for observation, the stay led to various routine tests, and a routine MRI this morning revealed that the cancer my mom has been battling all year has made it's way into her brain. We meet with her radiation oncologist this week to see if there are any remaining treatment options available. Feeling especially thankful today we have hope beyond this life...

"If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied. But in fact Christ has been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For as by a man came death, by a man has come also the resurrection of the dead. For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive... For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality. When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written:

'Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?'

-- 1 Corinthians 15: 19-22, 53-55 ESV